I really didn't want to have a post like this already, but I'm feeling it and I need to release it so...yeah. I have a question: have you ever felt alone? No, not alone like you are in the room by yourself, or alone like your housemate (sibling, parents, roommate, whoever) left out for a minute and left you momentarily by your lonesome...I mean ALONE.
ALONE meaning someone didn't leave you, they just were never there. ALONE like, there isn't a soul in the world who truly gets you. ALONE in the sense that there is just this void within you that you can not seem to permanently fill. This is what I mean by alone.
Sometimes...I feel this way. People tell me I'm different. Well this is true. Matter of fact I think I am so different that there is nobody out there who can relate to me an my life, thoughts, and feelings. I mean, I have my family and friends all of whom i love dearly, but a lot of times it seems as if I'm on a one man island.
But it's not just alone like I feel un-relatable...It's also like I'm starting to wonder if there is anyone out there for me... lol really I know I'm young and I have years to think about that and I shouldn't worry and blah blah blah...but thus far it's just not looking promising. But I try to keep in my mind that I can count how many boyfriends I've had in my whole life using less than all of my fingers on one hand ...so maybe there's a whole sea of fish undiscovered...
Hmm....welp. I don't know. Yes it's true I haven't been in a lot of relationships..but the ones I was in were longterm (I'm talkin like at least a year)...plus I've talked to various guys. And point blank period, I'm scared. But that is a topic for another post entirely..
So basically..
In my life I feel like I'm often misunderstood. This in many cases is partly my fault because I almost refuse to be any type of transparent...but nonetheless, misunderstood. This makes for a lonely existence.
But then again, I could be exaggerating. Perhaps I am not as lonely as I currently describe. Or maybe, I am not alone in this feeling...this may be "normal". This is probably just what I said above, just a mood...it too will pass. Well if that's to be true, I can go to sleep with the lingering optimism that I always ultimately cling so comfortably to....I mean, do I have any other choice?
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